CHAPTER I

6 Nails in the Coffin of Your Relationship, that is What are the Most Common Mistakes Men Make While Being in a Relationship

Before we get into the strategy of coming back to an ex, I would like to outline the most common causes of the decay of a relationship. You need to know what mistakes not to make in the future in order not to lose the woman again. If you've been with a woman before, you must have had some value in her eyes and something to impress her. The highest value in the eyes of a woman has the man usually (but not necessarily) at the beginning of the relationship. Your relationships goes down in proportion to your value, or the other way round, the more mistakes you make, which result in losing your value in her eyes, the faster your relationship is reaching the bottom.

As you are with an attractive woman you have to get used to the fact that you will have a lot of competition. Attractive women do not give so many opportunities for guys and do not wait until the relationship entirely hits rock bottom, but much, much earlier they flush a guy down in "the toilet" like a shit. Is it that attractive women have a large choice among men, while those less attractive, not necessarily, but let's face it even they, sooner or later, you will find your substitute and they’ll will flush you down in the toilet, too. The only difference is such that the first ones will not wait until your value drops to a level equal zero, whereas the second ones will give your some chances until they’ll find your replacement. Anyway, if you don’t yourself up in time, you’ll end up on the scrap heap.

What are the most common mistakes men make, so that they lose their value in the eyes of women, and what follows that their relationship is going sharply down? So, please meet 6 main nails in the coffin of any relationship.

1.The Loss of “the Breadwinner Status”

A woman who wants to join a guy up on a permanent basis must feel the emotion security. If it is a short acquaintance, a quickie or anything else, the status of the breadwinner no longer plays such an important role. What do I mean by ”the breadwinner status”? I mean that from the ancient times, a woman was more attracted to a man who knew how to take care of her. As you perfectly know, in prehistoric times there were other dangers than now. You needed to get your food, survive a harsh winter, and, if possible, defend your woman and children from other threats. The women in those days picked the strongest males, because it made them more certain that they will survive with the children. In addition, the largest and strongest person led a group which further strengthened his position, because he was a leader, he ruled, he made decisions for the group, and everyone had to listen to him.

Nowadays, you do not run around with a spear after a mammoth to get food and possible “clothing” through which you and your family will survive the severe winter. These days, your spear for hunting is replaced with different resources and your potential to get them. What’s on my mind? If you are hungry, you won’t go hunting but you go shopping to buy some food. When the winter comes you don’t go with a spear after a bear you just go to the clothing store and buy a jacket. You no longer face the dangers such as "how to move away the tiger from the cave", but the problems, like, "how to pay the bills. It is not about the money but about the possibilities to earn them. Women are not so much crazy for money, but for the men who know how to earn them, and this is a big difference (It is obvious that there are women that see only the money, but they are in the minority). Of course, as you know money is not everything and do not make the mistake of most men who are trying to impress women only with money, because remember, that you can buy women's time, but never the feelings. If your main advantage will be only a credit card and your car keys from the latest Ferrari, then you will be only attracted to women who, sooner or later, will exploit you financially and flush your down in the toilet. As a matter of fact, I personally could not look at myself in the mirror, knowing that my woman is with me just for my money, which is the only thing what I have to offer.

As I have written before, the women are not so much into the money but into the men that can make it. The fact that you can earn some money depends on your personality traits. If you have your own company and you told about it your woman, simultaneously you sent her other messages, such as:

· He is a resourceful guy because a loser would not establish a company.

· He is a canny guy because a schlemiel would not cope with all of this.

· He is risk - taking

· He is hardworking, responsible.

· He is a leader, that is, the person who makes decisions.

· He may be earning a lot of money, so that me and our children will hold it together.

I could make the list much longer, but I want to give you food for thought on this issue. You do not need to have a great company like Bill Gates and earn billions like him, but it is enough that you will have a small business that will generate sufficient income to survive. Besides working full-time, unfortunately, you won't earn millions, unless you're an outstanding specialist in a niche area, which for his boss generates many millions.

As I have written previously, the money is only a means to a better life. For the money you can dress yourself, you can drink and eat, buy a car, you can have a roof over your head, and make that your children will not miss anything. However, the lack of money will kill any relationship, sooner or later, because you won’t feed your family with just love. Moreover, it is scientifically proven that even in the world of animals, the females choose the males that have a better lair.

One of my friends used to complain to me that he had a difficulty with having sex. He went through such a period that he was only interested in very quick and short acquaintances, mostly made at a club. His problem was that after going out of the club with a newly met girl, he felt that something is going wrong, the closer they were on the road to his house the colder his mistress was behaving. When they finally reached the house, she became so distant that he didn’t know what is going on. His problem was that he was very rich. Self-evidently, he earned it himself and was successful. When the girl saw the luxury car near the club, she asked many questions such as “Who are you and what do you do?” although she wasn’t interested in this subject before. And when they went into his house, she froze immediately because her priorities have changed. She didn’t want this guy for a quickie. She only wanted to strive for a relationship with him.

How is it with your woman?. If you are a permanently jobless person, who lives with the parents, because you cannot make it for a living yourself, so tell me, how do you want to start a family?, and a woman sees it, believe me. If you are with an attractive woman, there will be, very soon, someone else around her, who is going to use his charms. If he is doing better financially than you do, your woman’s focus will be soon on him. I am not saying that you should make millions of dollars, to convince yourself that your woman will never leave you, because even such an amount of money won’t guarantee that you will keep the woman with you, or that she will be more faithful , but if you are struggling financially so that you can’t afford anything, and you are still dependent on someone, or you can’t find a job because once you find it they kick you out after a few weeks, it makes your woman feel a continuous anxiety. Your woman will begin to herself questions like "is he the right man for me?", "is he going to be able to provide a future for me and my kids?", "in case of any problems, can I count on him?"

My colleague used to have a well – paid job and not missing anything. Everyone was happy and there was no quarrels in his house. But when the crisis came, he and many like him have lost their jobs. At the beginning of being unemployed everything was all right, but the longer she remained on unemployment, the sooner his savings run out and his girlfriend started to behave differently. She completely changed her attitude towards him, so that they couldn’t stand each other after three months. They were bickering every day, nothing connected them anymore and it was all about the money. While talking to her, he was complaining constantly that he has enough of her questioning him when he finds the job. Everything calmed down when he finally found the job and they got back to their previous relations. Then, during an interview he admitted that it was related to the fact that for a long time he could not find work, focusing only on the well paid jobs because his ego wouldn’t not allow him to go to work below his expectations, and he and his family were accustomed to comfort.

If you bought her time not love, and the money is the only reason she is still with you, you can forget about looking for another job for a longer period of time. When the crisis comes, she will run away leaving you on your own, but before this she might probably cheat on you. As you can see, it is not an art. to have money and women, because what you have today, can be gone tomorrow. The majority of men wants to impress a woman with their financial status and are attracted to women who only see the money. And in the moment of crisis, or illnesses such men are left in the lurch flat broke. If your ex saw in you only the money, and you want to come back to her, then you are just plain stupid. However, if you are a lazy, unemployed person who is all fingers and thumbs wondering how your woman could leave you for someone more ravished in vital issues, calling her “a bitch who is a gold - digger”, then it makes you even more stupid. As I have mentioned, the women are not into the money, but into the men who can make it. Besides, who should they fall for? For the lazy, drunken, and stinking homeless men? What does the lazy, drunken and stinking homeless man has that a woman should go crazy for him? What is the difference between a drunken homeless man from a man of success? In the approach to life and the approach to problems. When a high – flier comes across some problems on his way, such as the lack of money, he faces them and thinks how to solve them, how to get the money, how to keep it and how to support his family. In contrast, a homeless drunkard seeing a problem reaches a liter of vodka and drinks it down and basically this is what differs these two people, the qualities of character and the approach to life.

Someone who is still young and read these words can infer that he doesn’t fit the description of the breadwinner because he does not have a steady work. Well, what matters at a young age, is your potential, how promising you are. If you have plans, goals, dreams which you share with the woman and the future you look forward to, and you do not live only for fun, then she is looking at you with hope. The women at the students’ age choose e.g.: intellectuals who potentially are well prepared for the future and will be able to get the resources in the form of better paid work, or the founding of a company. Remember that, sooner or later, you will have to demonstrate your potential. If you're talking all the time about your dreams, about your own company and the time flies and you're not doing anything in this direction, it is easy assume that you are inconsistent. If you are young, it tells a lot about you. If you are a student and you're trying to earn some extra money, so you can even afford some entertainment, then you prognosticate well showing that you are canny, rakish and self-dependent. However, when at the age of 19 you are getting a job as a waiter in a restaurant, you can earn enough money for your bachelor expenses. But, the time flies so quickly and when at the age of 30 years, you're still the same waiter, in the same restaurant and have similar earnings, and in addition you have an attractive woman, who is a manager in an international company and earns tens of thousands of dollars a month, I would give my left nut that she will dictate the conditions and there will be a serious tensions between you both. It will be, mainly, about that you simply do not fit into her world, and you will be a ball and chain for her. At every step, the contrast between you both will be so visible starting from her relatives and finishing on her parents. You were so promising, but you've wasted your potential, and she used it. She is a successful woman, and as every woman of this kind, she wants a man of success, rather than a loser. I am not saying that when you work at the kitchen sink means that you are a loser, because I believe that no work is a disgrace but only the earnings, however, I want to warn you that in her eyes and her relatives you can be regarded as a loser who once had dreams, goals, he wanted to be somebody, but did nothing in that direction. Do not watch the Hollywood movies where a simpleton whose life is a mess, competes with a handsome and a smart guy and wins the heart of a beautiful girl that the whole town slobber over. It doesn’t work this way in the real life. If the rest of your life you will spend in a bar at the kitchen sink earning money sufficient for teens, you send a message to all the attractive women that you are not ambitious, and you are stuck in a standstill, and when you are standing you are going back. She does not give you any hope, you are becoming a ball and chain, and start getting in the way, so that the woman no longer sees in you a candidate for a husband and the father of your children. Yet, it is not said that while working for alms somewhere at the kitchen sink you won't have women and you'll be doomed to handjobing until the end of you days. You will have women with their social status equal to yours, that is, which also work at the kitchen sink and do not want to reach for more out of life because they are too lazy. However, I hope that you aren't interested in such women. On the other hand, better work at a kitchen sink than none, it would be a general failure. As you'll be permanently unemployed it is only one step away from the status of homeless man and believe that even a not so pretty girl who works anywhere for the buck finds that you, simply, don’t fit her and you are a ball and chain for her.

However, if you have a woman who is a ball and chain for you, you’ll be with her because of her beauty and sex. If you are person who goes ahead without looking back, succeeding not only in the field of financial, but also in other fields, then you'll be very desirable among women. It will probably be your woman who will be jealous and will try to restrict your freedom being afraid that she may lose you. Later on, you’ll notice than you can afford more and while looking at your woman, you will conclude that she is not attracted to you anymore and it is time to break up with her and to find her younger substitute. That's what the Hollywood stars do, who know very well that they are desirable commodity on the market and know their value and so can you hear that from time to time that a star has just exchanged his wife for a better model, i.e. a younger one.

One of the important factors to win back your woman is your complete metamorphosis. You have to change in several ways, which I am going to describe in another chapter. I think that you understand, more or less, what’s going on with the breadwinner thing. The breadwinner is the person who keeps the family, it is the host. It happened that from time immemorial rests on the shoulders of a man to support a family. Although times have changed and we do not run with spears after dinosaurs, women put the trousers on and often have bigger guts than guys, the obligation still lies upon us. It used to be only the physical strength that counted a long time ago and even nowadays some women are still attracted to well-built men, but today counts really something more, namely the ability to acquire resources or the potential, which says that “this guy will succeed in life”.